Somewhere between June Cleaver and Mommy Dearest

Dead Bodies

2007-10-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

Whose Line ~ Dead Bodies | Funny Jokes at JibJab

My favorite picture of all time

2007-10-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

Suicide and Clowns

2007-09-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

Ironically enough, this news is right around the one year anniversary of the day that I was raped. I found out last night that the guy, who was responsible, shot himself a couple of days ago.

Am I a sick cold person for actually being happy to hear this news?

I don’t know.

Its cliché, but I actually felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders when I was told about his death. It was such a relief, and yet I didn’t even know that I still had issues with the incident to tell you the truth. I thought I had moved past things. Just goes to show you how things can lurk in the back of your mind, causing problems and you don’t even realize it.

Ok, time for pure honesty now. What he did was bad. The way I handled it... eh, I should have involved the cops. But I didn’t. Personal choice of mine, which I struggled with at the time. But if I had, would this guy still be alive? Would that actually be a good thing? What if he had gone to jail, would he have been able to clean up and lead a happy productive life? Good job, smiling wife, picket fence, the whole ‘American dream’. Or, was it a better thing for him to kill himself? Was he really deep down a ticking time bomb? Did his death save X number of women from having to deal with this from him?

I am personally relieved that they guy is gone. But I do have 2nd thoughts behind my decision to not report him. I hate what ifs.

The way he was at the time that this happened, he was a drugged up loser who was taking up free space. He was wasting air. Not the biggest loss to ever have happened. Cold, but true. Yet when I think of that… I picture him putting a bullet in his mouth and then an image of his mom appears. I don’t know her; I honestly didn’t really know him. For all I know, she’s long gone and everyone around him had given up and left him to lead his own life, however fucked up he may have chosen it to be.

So, how messed up is it of me to be relieved that I will never ever have to run into him? But at the same time I picture his funeral, with his mother crying over his open grave. Who knows, maybe if I had reported him to the cops this could have been prevented. What happened that night could have had the potential to be the turning point in his life. Saving others from grief. Or maybe it was just another night in this guy’s life, and I happened to be the one at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Wow. Look at that. What was I had intended to be a 3 or 4 lines about how he’s dead now, lets celebrate has turned into a one sided philosophical discussion. I honestly had not even thought of that perspective of things until I started to write things out. Frankly I was just happy that the motherfucker was dead. When I heard the news, it actually made my day. Now, I feel sick inside for feeling that way. I’m a mom too.

Whew… time to lighten things up now.

So, last time I was up in Dallas, I had an interesting conversation. At the bar. With a drunk, chain smoking clown who specialized in children’s parties. In full makeup and with his balloon animal gear still slung over his shoulder.

It was such a Kodak moment.

We had a very, I will say… enlightening conversation. Apparently drunken clowns are full of interesting things to say. Who would have known? For instance, did you know that this particular clown holds a deep grudge against his mother for deciding to cut off his foreskin? How dare she? It was his foreskin, damn it. Oh, and lets not forget about the curiosity he has about tails. On people. What would it feel like to have one, and what exact percentages of people are born with a tail? We have tailbones, right? Sounds plausible. And lets not forget the ever so important would it wiggle when we are happy discussion. No, can’t forget that one.

I love Dallas.

It's 3am. And just what are you up to?

2007-08-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. No, wait... scratch that. I'm too wide awake to even begin to think about bed yet. Haven't even attempted it. I'll get around to laying down eventually. Sleep is overrated anyways.

That's why God invented the coffee bean.

So, it appears that it has been a while since I've given an update. And just what else is there better to do at 3am I ask? Well, actually I can think of a few things, but considering my single status I'll be a web geek instead.

Single. The idea is still novel to me. I like it. I think I like it a lot. (insert dorky 3am web geek dance here)

Well, I think I have positive news about the knee. Maybe, hopefully, I'm crossing my fingers! Previously, my Dr's could not make up their minds on the damn thing. I'd get told one visit to push things and see what I could do, and then they would turn around and yell at me for doing anything with it the very next visit. "Put some weight on it, oh my... whatever you do don't put weight on it! Try bending it some more, just what do you think your doing trying to bend it? Your going to make the damage worse." Aggghhhhhhh! I am getting to the point where I think that it is a requirement to be an indecisive fool to graduate from med school. I am losing all hope in the medical field, which is pretty sad considering where I would like to go in life.

So, the latest and greatest on that joint is actually looking up for once. According to the MRI, everything has finally healed up except that I still have a bone bruise and a 50% tear in my medial retinaculum. Which doesn't exactly feel the best in the world, but I am finally cleared to start trying to get off of the crutches. I go back in 4 weeks and as long as I don't dislocate it and have decent progress I should be in the clear. If not, then they want to schedule the surgery.

So it will get better. It has to. I have had such bad luck with this stupid leg that something has to go in my favor for once. Various ligaments, cartilage, and tendons torn. Fractured patella, blood clots, medication related mini strokes. Re injury every few weeks just because I move wrong. ENOUGH!!! I've had it! I am putting down my good foot and saying no more. It is time for it to heal.

Grrrrr.

Random youtube favorites

2007-08-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

I'm bored.

Bored I tell ya.

b-o-r-e-d

buuuhoooorrrrreeedddd

I'm free!!!!!

2007-08-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

Today..... is a good day!

I Took A Step!!!!!!!

2007-08-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yes sirree... you heard me right, a real live full weight step! Still had the crutches in place, but I didn't use them for support. I was so proud that if I had been wearing shoes I'd want to bronze them. I have not been able to take a real step since April, so hell yeah... I'm just a smidgen excited.

My knee is getting better... my knee is getting better... my knee is getting better... oh happy chair dance time!

Now if i can keep from tearing up everything again, I should be doing good hopefully soon. Oh, to walk without crutches.... sheer bliss. And if i were to gain back the range of motion and be able to bend it again... heaven.

I'm getting closer!

Woo Hoo :)

Cheap Drugs

2007-07-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

$4.00 generic prescriptions... not just for Walmart anymore.

I've done some digging around and this is what I've found to be available in Texas. From what I've glanced at, it looks to be that different lists of drugs are available at different stores. So, before you go and get that pricey refill, it might be worth a couple minutes of your time to glance around. Be sure to bookmark my page before you go though, there are a few links to check out.

Walgreen's does not have the $4.00 drug plan, but they do have a handy dandy tool that will let you know what the generic name of any brand name drug is. Then use the generic name to do the search on the cheapo lists. It will also give you the price for the meds so you can price shop. Link

$4.00 Prescription Locations
Walmart
Sam's Club
Target
HEB ($5.00 here)

I'm not sure what they would cost, but Costco offers a member prescription program. Unfortunately they do not list the prices online, but it might just be worth a phone call if you can not find your prescription on the cheapo list elsewhere. Link

For all of the many medications that are not on the cheapo list... don't forget your ability to price shop. Here are links to places online that will actually quote their prices.
Costco
Walgreen's
CVS
Sav-On (they do not quote online, but it is a link to an 800 number you can call to get one)

This is what I have found so far. If anyone knows of any others, please let me know and I'll add it to the list.

Sicko

2007-07-12T16:43:00.001-07:00

I don't care what you think about Michael Moore. Sicko should be seen by all. I watched this movie earlier today, and am at a loss for words. Go and pay the eight bucks it costs to see this if you can. It's well worth it.

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=2526970685450320610 Don't let the title of the video fool you.

Recipes straight from my head.

2007-07-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

Mmmmmm, my first ever recipe post. Here is some simple yet delicious recipes that I've come up with here recently. I tend not to measure or be precise... so these are tried and true recipes that I've used several times with no problems. If anyone wants to take the time to actually write it up precisely, or has any tweaks that they've found to be good, be sure to let me know. I love a good critic, and no, that's not sarcasm your reading.

Fiesta Chicken

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 large jar of salsa (I use mild)
1 package of dry hidden valley ranch dressing
mozzarella cheese

Dump almost all of the salsa into a large zip lock bag. Reserve enough salsa to put at least one to two large spoonfuls of salsa on each piece of chicken. Pour the package of dry ranch dressing into the zip lock bag. Make sure the bag is sealed well, and shake until mixed well. Put the chicken into the bag, seal well and shake again. Make sure there is no air left in the bag and each piece of chicken is covered in the salsa mixture. Marinate overnight or for several hours.

Lightly rinse the marinade off of the chicken, and cook. Doesn't matter how you cook it, stove top, oven, grill, just as long as it's cooked. Keep a close eye on burning though. If there is too much marinade left on the chicken, it will scorch. When there is just a few minutes left to cook the chicken, spoon on a healthy dollop of the remaining plain salsa on top of each piece, and sprinkle with mozzarella. Continue to cook until the cheese is melted. If you wait too long, just microwave it so the chicken does not burn.

Voila. Simple yet delicious. My kids are extremely picky eaters and refuse to touch anything spicy. But as long as I use mild, they will both eat this with no problem.

I like to pass off this next one to the kids as a dessert. It's healthy, but yet they still believe me that it's a dessert. Shocker

Fruity Chocolate Thing

Vanilla yogurt
strawberries
bananas
chocolate syrup
sprinkles (optional)
teddy grahams (optional)

Cut up strawberries and bananas into bite size pieces. Put them into bowls. Spoon a couple of dollops of vanilla yogurt on top of the fruit. Drizzle chocolate syrup on top. Serve immediately. For a good kids version, stand up teddy grahams around the parameter of the bowl. Put sprinkles on top. It will need to be more of the chunky type of sprinkles, the sugar ones will just melt and disappear into the yogurt. Paste a big ol smile on your face and tell them it's dessert.

The Velvet Hearts - History Repeating

2007-07-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

The landlord part 2

2007-06-27T19:23:00.001-07:00

Good Cop, Baby Cop

Insert Title Here

2007-06-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

You’d think that I’d have more time to write, especially considering that I am still having problems with my knee. Mobility is highly overrated I tell ya. Honestly, it’s not that bad. I can get around with my handy dandy crutches. My high dollar older than what I am, wooden crutches that were my grandmothers. Can we say ‘stylin’ boys and girls? They’re oh so pretty, with the scratched up wood and rubber tips that are yellow and cracking with age. Yep… I am a stylin bitch these days. Just try to keep the envy down to a manageable level, shall we?

Ok. Yeah….. I’m bored. And being super sarcastic tonight. Makes for an exciting read, huh? Ha. Ha. Ha. I just cracked myself up over that last funny. My blog, exciting. Yeah, it’s about as exciting as walking in on your parents having sex. Urp.

Anyways, the knee is still fucked up. I finally broke down and made an appointment with a different orthopedic surgeon. Things just haven’t healed up like what they should. I have bumps, knots and ridges in places that I shouldn’t, and am missing them in places that I should. It locks, it buckles, it won’t bend or hold too much weight, and it still swells. Just all over fun to be had. But on a positive note, I am home!!! Sweet Jesus, I finally made it back home. That was a wonderful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. In fact, once I made it up the stairs, a blue bird landed on my shoulder and we sang ourselves a victory duet.

Ok, ok. You caught me, that last line was not true. I sang a victory song and scared the birds away instead. Carrying a song on key isn’t really my forte. I just like to pretend it really happened the other way around. Humor me.

Okay then. Continuing on with the update. I’m still dating that guy I mentioned a few posts back. That’s a shocker considering I am somewhat of a commitment phobic, especially after pigtail boy. If you’re lost on that comment, read back a bit and it’ll tell you a big fat nothing. Don’t even think it mentions that particular nickname in that post. Oooh la la… mysterious. Snort. There I go again; assuming that my 2.5 readers out there are actually interested enough in my writing to find that mysterious and or somewhat amusing. Sometimes I crack myself up, I really do.

Pigtail boy deserves just a smidgen of explanation I guess. It is a bit random to just throw out there. Simply put, everyone has nicknames if I keep them around long enough. I try to be somewhat creative and fitting with the situation. Pigtail boy, grAsshoppa, tatu, psycho, minion, captain gasoline, turtle, mr. obvious, etc… Current guy’s name is shrek for those who are curious. Not because of the movie being out or anything, that just happens to be a coincidence. He has layers, like an onion. From the first movie, “I’m an ogre. Ogre’s have layers, like an onion.” Or something along those lines. My kids have watched that movie enough times that I can picture the scene in my head, but yet the official dialog has slipped out of my mind for the moment. Anyways, current boyfriend’s nickname started off as Onion Man. But my best friend shortened it to shrek, and well… poor thing, it’s kind of stuck.

Well, I’m exhausted, its way past my bedtime. Here in the next day or two I’ll be sure to post something I find amusing from youtube just to get my post away from the top of the page. Till then… behave yourselves. No, wait. Don’t behave; the stories are so much more interesting that way.

G’night

Something big happened today

2007-06-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

and no, I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Just thought I'd be a tease. :)

Lumberjack. A Classic

2007-06-07T17:22:00.000-07:00

Evolution of Dance

2007-06-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

Deviant Art

2007-06-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here’s a little project I’ve been working on. Some are better than others, but eh… I have fun with it. I’m always up for suggestions, so don’t hold back if you have any.

http://purplepixie258.deviantart.com/

I have way too much time on my hands

2007-05-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago my daughter came back from school singing a song and was determined that I was going to sing it with her. That's just fine by me, as long as I know the song that she is wanting us to sing. This one happened to be about a spider eating a fly and something about a cow. Then a girl eats all of them and dies? Huhhh? I know the melody from when I was a kid, but just for the life of me can not remember the words of who eats who and the reason why this poor chick has to die.

Have I told you how much I'm in love with Google? Just type in the words kid song lyrics and presto change-o here comes Super Mom to save the day! Dum dum da daaaaaa!

Now that Super Mom and her trusty sidekick Google are on the scene, all will be fixed in the world of determined 5 year old's. I shall throw my shoulders back, put my cape on and assume the position of Super Mom with my right hand on my mouse, left on my hip in a heroic pose. Close your eyes and imagine it..... Ahhhhh, brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? So off I go to save the day! All it will take are a few simple mouse clicks and my hero status will be restored.

Unfortunately Super Mom fails her mission much to the disappointment of her daughter. But thankfully cartoon network somehow magically appeared on the TV serving as the ultimate distraction.

Don't fret though, Super Mom did find something interesting at the web site that the sidekick brought to her attention. Something that made Super Mom laugh so hard that she actually cried.

Now before I direct you to this particular site which I have painstakingly set up in an oh so clever and witty intro, there is something that you should know. This site is not a spoof. These are real lyrics, from real children's songs that have been around since the beginning of time. It's not the song's fault that some certain words have had their definitions changed over time. Tee hee....

So, go... look around and browse for some of the well loved songs from your childhood. But first you really should read and hear the song about the song about the, ahem... pussy.

Gossip from the pc of the terminally unemployed

2007-05-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's right. Still out of a job. And no, I am not so bad at interviews that I have been unable to even find the lowest of the entry level jobs out there. I've been too busy stuck on my mom's couch. Watching tv all freaking day. Every day. For 3 weeks... AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I feel like I have done something horribly wrong and am being punished for it. It's karma coming back to bite me in some cosmically 'I'll teach you bitch' way. Ain't life grand?

Just a few days after I joined the mighty ranks of the unemployed, I decided that since I had some extra time on my hands that I would clean and re organize my house. Overdue, trust me on that one. So, first step in my grand house make over was the kitchen. My cluttered cabinets being the top of the list. Everything is going just fine on the upper cabinets until I reach the ones above the fridge. I'm only 5'6 and just cant reach them without a chair to stand on. I know to be careful, I know this very well. I've had knee problems all of my life and can usually catch the warning signs that they will go out before they actually do. Either I was being an idiot that day, or I had no warning, I have no idea. Well, up on the chair I go, several times because I am reorganizing and cant make up my mind what I want to go above the fridge when my knee dislocates. Lucky for me I happened to be standing on the top of the chair when it goes out, so down I go crock pot and all. (tis a shame really, it was in great shape pre fall) And to make things go even better, pop pop poppity pop go my ligaments in that knee.

Sigh.

I'll be nice and not repeat that things that were coming out of my mouth when I hit the floor and just stick with sigh instead. Wouldn't want to be responsible for corrupting young innocent minds here. And to make things even better, I live in an upstairs apartment. Oh goodie, what a smart choice I made there.

So my dear readers, this is why I have been stuck on my mom's couch for the last 3 long weeks. I don't think long is really the word that suits this quite right. Loooooooooooooong is more like it. You know that new song by Bon Jovi and Sugarland that goes something along the lines of that your never too old to go home? They lied. I should sue them for emotional stress and damage because they LIED.

Things are slowly getting better with the knee, just not as fast as I would like them to. I'm still on crutches, but am working every day with putting more weight on the leg. I've gotten to the point where I can get 3/4 of my weight on it now, and can do a small controlled bend of my knee. Woo hoo. Having everyone yell at me to quit pushing things is getting just a little old. It'd be nice to have someone instead say, way to go instead of sit your happy ass back down!

But on the plus side of things, I have met someone new that I am interested in. He has come over to watch tv with me a few times and we talk on the phone every night. So far he seems to be a very nice guy. Has a bit of a gruff exterior, but deep down just a softie. Or he is around me that is. I'll be crossing my fingers that the softie does not disappear. So far so good, I hate to talk it about too much because I don't want to jinx things. So I will leave it at we shall see...

The Landlord

2007-05-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

The Landlord

Ever wondered what you should do with those pesky unwanted wedding rings we all have laying around the house?

2007-04-23T20:16:00.000-07:00

Get the thoughts of the pawn shop out of your head! I have found the website that offers a better solution. Voila!

Hellooooo unemployment

2007-04-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I got laid off/quit today. All depends on how you look at things. If you ask my former boss, I quit. If you ask any sane individual, I was laid off. Or I was in my opinion and I am sane on occasion. My best buddy will verify that for you. No wait... don’t ask her, you might get the opposite answer with an odd sounding giggle at the end. Yeah, let’s not ask her shall we?

So, I get called into the office today. Why do they always decide to fire people at the end of the shift instead of the beginning? Why not say… hey, we don’t need you anymore. Here’s the rest of the day to go find another job, good luck and do or don’t ask me for a reference. Grrrrr. I fucking love people, don’t you?

Anyways, I’m getting off topic. Maybe it’s the rum and coke’s I’ve been drinking tonight. Maybe.

So. I go to answer my summons from the high and mighty bitch. (Nah, not bitter) I get told that geeze, I’m sorry. Hate to do this to ya, but we’re going to have to stick you as prn starting tomorrow because our census is so low. Or translated to English = there’s not enough people to take care of and I only get to work when they call me in on an as needed basis. Or yet another way to put things is that they are going to stick me as prn and esentually lay me off, but do it in a way that they won’t have to pay unemployment.

Ha, fuck that.

When I so politely expressed my displeasure at being moved to prn and told her that I will quit instead, I was asked to stay. As prn. Ummmm… no. I don’t think so. I’ve been employed there for 3 years and this is how I get treated? Yeah, I’ll repeat myself… fuck that.

I wasn’t the only one they screwed over this way today. There were others, because apparently our company is in huge trouble. In the red, again. For the umpteenth year in a row. Surprise surprise. That’s what happens when you don’t take good care of your residents, when you don’t take care of the building, when you don’t take care of the employees, and when you hire a group of people to run the whole thing that I wouldn’t trust with a trained monkey. And they wonder why they can’t keep residents or employees in this place. Hummmmm, I wonder.

Anyways, I was not the only one that they screwed over today. They are going bare bones employees because our boss is a fool and thinks he can save the business that way. Yeah, college did him well. Let’s cut corners even more and make the few remaining residents even more unhappy because they are not getting the care they deserve because they are short staffed. The management is s-m-r-t smart. Super duper smrt. (Again, I repeat... not bitter)

Well i'm off to go sleep off the rum. Someone had to celebrate my new found freedom; I figure I deserve that much. Sent the kids to my mom’s and everything just for that purpose. Tonight was the first time in I don’t even know how long it’s been since I’ve had any alcohol in my house. And let me tell you, it went down nice and smooth. I splurged for the good shit. Yipee

3 yr old vs. Monster

2007-04-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Happy Hour

2007-04-11T20:17:00.001-07:00

I am now officially...

2007-04-05T15:58:00.001-07:00

An ex smoker! I have graduated from the esteemed Nicorette University with flying colors, thank you very much. Smoke free, patch free, gum free… yep. It’s time to change the status to that of a non smoker!

Now please excuse me while I go and do my happy dance. And after that, I’m going to go and find a billboard to rent out. This deserves to be advertised.

And today makes

2007-03-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

22 days without smoking. I am so freaking proud of myself. I am so looking forward to the day when I can use my last patch and be done with it. No more cravings, no more patches… sounds wonderful. Not that I haven’t been tempted to cave in. Ohhhh, believe me, I want a smoke. And I mean I really really really want to smoke. Some days I feel like i'm about ready to go insane and rip someone’s head off. But I’m extremely stubborn, and I refuse to let nicotine rule my life any longer. What’s the point? I stink. It drains my limited checking account. I’m tired of not being able to fully enjoy going to the movies without craving a cig so bad ½ the way through that it ruins it for me. Sick of burning holes in my car and clothes. Bla, bla, bla…. Marlboro will not win. I will. Simple as that.

I will be smoke free, hear me roar! grrrr.

Ok, enough of that.

I made it back from my vacation in one piece. Had a wonderful time. Pictures and the whole story will come later; I’m late getting back to work.

Ta ta

I believe I just might deserve a huge pat on the back

2007-03-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

It has now been an official 8 days since my last cigarette, and I have not committed mass murder yet. Woo hoo! Go me!

I’m counting down the days

2007-03-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

I get to go and see one of my best friends, and have my first real vacation. On Saturday! If someone knows a trick to make time pass faster… I’m all ears.

This is so much worse than pet dressing

2007-02-24T18:45:00.000-08:00

I received this email the other day. Wow. This just had to be shared. After seeing this, I had to double check. And low and behold, handy dandy amazon has the book for sale. There were too many photos to just paste into the blog, so I put them into film loop. Enjoy

Subject: I hate my owner - Painted Cats

The book these came from said some of the paint jobs cost $15,000 and had to be repeated every 3 months as the cat's hair grows out. Must be nice to have $60,000 a year just to keep your cat painted!

Ok. I might be going to hell for this

2007-02-24T18:23:00.000-08:00

But I laughed my ass off.

I Heart Photoshop

2007-02-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd do some selfless bragging here. I love photoshop. No, scratch that... I luuuuuuve photoshop. All the extra u's make it that much better.

Now I shall bow down gracefully and let the sweet sound of silence fill the air while everyone is busy ooohing and awwwing at my exceptional photo altering skills.

***note to self... next blog, try not to be so sarcastic.

before

and after

Wow. People are, ummm... yeah.

2007-02-16T13:20:00.000-08:00

I ran across these the other day while looking at random stuff on the internet. I don't know about you, but it makes me very proud of our public school system.

Did you know...

2007-02-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

That somewhere in a tiny town there is a courtroom transcript that has me saying the phrase "well if you honestly want to know, they looked like two dollar crack whores." Yep... that's me all right. Under oath and on the stand no less. Now that ladies and gentleman is poetry in motion. So beautiful it brings a tear to my eye.

Let me back up a bit and tell you the whole story for those who are morbidly curious. It was a few years ago, while I was getting my last divorce and having that wonderful man's parental rights terminated for our daughter. My soon to be ex didn’t bother showing up for court, which won major points in my favor. But unfortunately since there was not a lawyer present in my ex's behalf, the judge was the only one available to play devil's advocate.

So I get sworn in and up to the stand I go. Woo hoo, this is so much fun. Made me wish I could do it every day of the week. Maybe I should get married more often, ya think?

And now we reach the edited for content transcript of my last divorce.

Judge: So you say that he had an affair?

Me: Yes, and I have pictures to prove it.

Judge: You have pictures? How did you get them?

Me: I ran across them one day when I was cleaning out the top of the closet. I found rolls of film that he had developed. The name on the envelope was his, and in his handwriting. I opened them up and found pictures of our kids Christmas and birthday celebrations that were taken with my camera. On the same roll of film, there were pictures of naked women that I did not take. All together there were about 4 rolls of film that he developed and had stashed in the top of the hall closet. All of them were of the women except for the 1/2 role that had our kids pictures on them.

Judge: They were naked?

Me: Naked and strategically covered

Judge: All right... so describe the women to me

Me: My lawyer has copies of them if you would like to see.

Judge: That's ok. Just describe the pictures to me.

Me: Well, there were some that were topless. Others they were laying in what looks like to be a hotel bed naked, but would have something placed to cover themselves. Vines, sheets, that type of thing. Some were wearing lingerie.

Judge: So they were posed?

Me: Yes

Judge: So what did the woman look like?

Me: Women. Plural, there were 6 different women in the pictures

Judge: 6! Are you kidding? All together?

Me: No. All pictures just had a single woman in it. But it looked like it had all been taken in the same hotel room.

Judge: Wow, ok. So what did these women look like?

Me: My lawyer has the pictures if you would like to see what they look like.

Judge: No, I don’t want to see the pictures. You describe to me what they look like

Me: Okay. Well there were several different women. Blonde, brunets, fat, thin, young, old. None of them were very pretty except for one.

Judge: No, I want a description of what these women look like

Me: Ummm, I thought I just told you. If you would like to see for yourself my lawyer has the pictures right in front of him.

Judge: No, describe to me what they look like

Me: What do you mean? I thought that's what I did.

Judge: What do they look like?

Me: I’m afraid I do not understand your question. They were blonde, brunette, fat, thin, young and old.

Judge: Sigh... I want a description of what the women looked like

Me: Blonde, brunette, fat, thin, young and old. Some fully naked, some in lingerie, some just topless, some would have something strategically placed such as a vine or sheets.

Judge: You’re not answering my question. I want to know what the women looked like

Me: (long pause) Oooookay.... well if you honestly want to know, they looked like two dollar crack whores. Not exactly the freshest looking group out there. Does that help with your description any better? Because I’m afraid I can't do any better than that. If you would like to see for yourself because I do obviously not understand your question, then please take a look at the pictures for yourself.

Judge: (blushing furiously and trying not to laugh) Two dollar crack whores?

Me: Yes. Two dollar crack whores. They looked like they had been around the block a few too many times if you know what I mean.

Judge: (clears his throat and has a long pause) Well, okay then. Let’s move onto the next question, shall we?

My actual time on the stand lasted an hour, but that's the best of it. So I can now proudly hold my head up and say that somewhere in a tiny town there is a transcript that belongs in a frame. Hung up over the mantle. Complete with track lighting to showcase it for all to see.

Oh, and incase you were wondering how the parental termination went… I won. :)

Happy Birthday Kiddo!

2007-01-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

I brought him home from the hospital yesterday. All wrapped up in a blanket and bald as an old man.

We celebrated my son's 9th birthday recently.

Tomorrow he will be in college.

Where does the time go?

I love this video

2007-01-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

Single. Again. Woo freaking hoo.

2007-01-25T17:13:00.000-08:00

I finally find the rare guy out there that isn't the world biggest ass and he turns out to be a creep. But not just any ordinary run of the mill creep. Oh no, that would be too easy. He’s one that is on a whole new level which I haven't even had the joy to encounter yet before now. And that's saying a lot. I’ve met a lot of um; we shall say 'special' guys out there over the years. I think there's a magnet that someone secretly attached to me once I hit puberty. I seem to attract a nice variety of original people. Lucky me, huh? I thought that I had heard and/or seen it all before now, but I was quite surprised at how this one ended. I felt like the neighbors of serial killers you see on the news... "But he seemed like such a nice guy, I had no clue." Not that what he did was on that level in the immorality book, but it's still a big nasty that turns your stomach.

Well, all I can say is thank god I found out as soon as I did. Before I actually stayed with this guy for years and years. Which is where things were headed. Mortgages and rings had already been discussed.

So I’m currently busy moving all of my stuff back into my house. Right now it looks like a land mine went off in this place. I decided that since I was going to be unpacking I may as well de-clutter at the same time. God bless the handy dandy dumpster that's downstairs. I might just loose an extra few pounds from all of the trips I’ll be making to it before this is over with.

So here's my official thank you to the ex. Your helping me lose weight. Wrecking havoc on the quitting smoking and giving me hives, but at least my ass will look good.

Thanks sug!

I was bored and couldn't sleep. Enjoy

2006-11-16T09:08:00.000-08:00

Pictures

2006-11-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

I took my boyfriend up to Dallas for his birthday this last weekend. I'm a picture taking fool, and here's the evidence to prove it.

I miss the old days already

2006-11-03T10:52:00.000-08:00

And here’s today’s’ well written blog.

Ya ya, I know. Been a while since I’ve been back on here for another update. So sue me, things have been hectic.

Well, I saw my best buddy off to Iraq. I'm so going to miss that kid….sniff, sniff. We had one last weekend getaway before he left, and had a blast. I took him to six flags; he’s never been if that’s believable. Sucked, because most of the good rides were closed, but we still had fun. Giggled like a couple of little kids the entire time. We went through a haunted house while we were there. The big bad army man was so scared; I had to drag him through it while I acted like the human shield to protect him from all of the zombies trying to attack him. Before we were able to get through the house, I was leading a group of 12 or so chickens. Now that was priceless.

I’m really looking forward to the spring when he gets his leave. Then we’re off to Florida!

Made me laugh so hard I actually cried

2006-09-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

And here's another time waster for you...

2006-09-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

Wow... I actually have time to write something for once. Shock, surprise and awe shall ensue. Well, not much time to write so I’ll give a brief rundown of what’s been going on.

Put my son back on concerta for his ADD. Good shit I tell ya. Bits and pieces of my sanity are finally starting to return thanks to the makers of that pill. Now I just gotta find where they’re at so I can give them a big fat sloppy kiss.

My daughter has officially joined the mighty ranks of the four eye club. When I found out her vision was so bad I shuddered at the thought of trying to keep a four year old from destroying or even keeping her glasses on for that matter. So far so good, she loves them. Helps that they’re in her most favorite color of all time. Pretty princess pink. Oooh la la, fashion runway here we come.

My first ex husband (or rather well known through out the community as dumb ass) has decided it’s a wonderful idea to enlist in the army. Infantry no less. And this from the guy who’s the world’s biggest scardy cat. Never been in a fight in his entire life, hates confrontation, can’t stand for people to tell him what to do, yadda yadda yadda. Yep, yep... he’s a smart one all right. My son’s all torn up about this. But what the saddest thing is, is that he’s not upset that his dad will be leaving, but his step mom. We can see who the primary caregiver is when he’s visiting now can’t we?

I’m starting up a business. Yea for me! Been thinking about it for a long time, finally caved and decided what the hell... all I’ve got to lose is a ton of time and a small chunk of cash. Well worth it if it can get me out of the ghetto style living I’ve been having to do. Photo restoration and alteration. (aka I play with photoshop and make some money--hopefully) Still haven’t narrowed down the name yet, I’m so indecisive. Thank you Mr. Tax Man for giving me enough back so that I can give this a shot.

I went up to Dallas for the weekend a while ago. Had a blast, got to see one of my best friends who I haven’t been able to see in a while. Saw my first live band and mosh pit. Yeah, yeah, sheltered life I know. The group’s called Max Cady. If they’re ever in your area, I highly suggest going. I ran into an old friend of mine from way back in the school days. Only way I recognized him is that he was wearing our old Jr. High band shirt. I think I’m getting old. I still expect for people to look the same way they did back in the day and it’s such a shock to see how they’ve aged. If you ever run across this Chris... you were looking good, don’t get me wrong. It’s just a shock to not see a scrawny little kid anymore, lol. Let’s see... what else happened. Oh, I now have nerve damage in my toe thanks to a certain fence. It was locked; Tami and I didn’t feel like going back upstairs for the key. Seemed easier at the time just to scale it instead. That is until my big toe and flip flop became lodged in the chain link. And my wonderful friend Tami, being the sweetheart that she is decided to make a call upstairs to have everyone come down to point and laugh at my ummm, gracefulness. It’s still numb, thank you.

Well kiddies... sadly that’s about all that’s worth mentioning in the oh so exciting world of Christi for now. Unfortunately it’s time to get ready for work. Joy. Yippee. Woo hoo. Someone stop me here, I’m having too much fun.

What I wouldn’t have given to be there

2006-09-01T03:49:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my ex got arrested. Poor thing had to spend 5 days in jail, pay a grand for bond and had his drivers license suspended. All because he’s a lying no good sack of---ok, I’ll be nice and stop there.

Anyways, he got arrested for failure to pay child support. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

The entire time we were married, he’d change jobs so often that he’d just pay his first wife the child support out of pocket rather than have it taken out of his check. With all the job changes it’d get messed up, according to the idiot. Sooooo, I’d budget aside the money for child support, he’d just hand her the money when he went to go pick up the kids. No biggie, right? Yeah well, that was until she started calling me and throwing huge fits cause she didn’t get her child support. I just told her that she was crazy, I gave psycho ex the money, and we’re struggling too. I told her to quit seeing if she could get more money out of us. (didn’t really like her at the time, can you tell?)

Well, 4 years pass and I finally kick psycho ex to the curb. One day first ex wife and I are on the phone comparing horror stories and I find out that he never ever paid one single dime to her. Ever. The only times she actually got the money is when I personally gave it to her, or I was with him when he picked up the girls. Apparently every single other time he pocked it like what he did with other money we had. Bill money, etc… Gotta be able to support his other women some way, right?

Bleh… enough of that bad stuff. Anyways… he was arrested.

I feel for him, I really do. Maybe I should go grab a box of tissues so I can dry up those tears running down my face. Or I guess another alternative would to be to quit laughing so hard it’s making me cry. Hummmmm… decisions, decisions.

2006-08-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve been on here. My bank account is always at the borderline overdrawn point these days so I’ve had to do some cuts to things around here. The worst being daycare… ugh, this is killing me. I work nights, and would send the kids to daycare so I could get some sleep. For some odd reason it just doesn’t sound like a good idea to be sleeping when they’re running around. I’d like to have 2 kids who have not tried to kill each other and a house that is still in one piece by the end of the day. Yeah… sleeping with them in the house isn’t the world’s best idea, lol. So anyways... the worst thing that I’ve had to cut out is daycare. I just can’t do it anymore. Not when there are other options, which unfortunately all lead up to the fact that I never ever sleep anymore. Well, that’s not entirely true; I get about 2 or 3 hrs a day while my daughter is taking a nap. If I’m lucky that is.

So anyways, the whole point of this is that I probably won’t be around much for a while. At least not until I can train my body to just laugh at the idea of sleep. I want to hear it say…. Buahahaha, we don’t need that. Sleep is for sissies, now go get a life and quit your bitching.

Boredom, blogger and lack of sleep, uh oh...

2006-08-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

I’m exhausted, had to work last night. The graveyard shift sucks. I really have nothing interesting to say here unless you want to listen to me bitch and whine about some trivial thing that is going on in my oh-so exciting life. What’s that? You don’t want to listen to me gripe? Ooooookay, your loss. Can’t say I really blame ya.

I really have no idea what I'm doing on here except that I’m extremely bored and just wish I was more creative so I could come up with some witty and funny comment that will make one out of my 2.5 viewers chuckle. Whew... can we say run on sentence? Maybe I should go back to school and retake English 101 again. Nah, that’s ok. I’m sure that my 2.5 readers out here can figure out what I’m trying to get across. If not, then that’s their problem and they need to go find some other blog to read instead of wasting their time on my rambles.

I seriously can’t think of anything to say. But yet for some odd reason I still want to write. What to do, oh what to do…. Well, I can’t think of a single thing so here’s some of the random thoughts’ running through my head at this very moment. Lucky you… run away while you still can.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uh oh, your still here. You must seriously have nothing better to do. Ok, can’t say I didn’t warn you, here goes... brace yourself to become even more bored.

I want a new camera. One that I can take awesome pictures with so I can make everyone jealous with my exceptional photo taking skills.

I need to acquire said jealousy evoking photo taking skills.

I want to tell my employer where they can shove it, cause I quit. Complete with finger gestures and the whole entire thing made into a song. So I can sing it at the top of my lungs while skipping down the hall.

I really want a hamburger. Smothered with cheese and something deep fried on the side with lots of salt. I believe I want tator tots. Yummy. Screw the diet, I want to be a piggy and gain back all of the lbs I’ve lost so far. All in one sitting.

Having fun yet?

I love limewire. I can’t remember the last time that I actually bought a cd. Right now I have it on my alternative mix. Breaking Benjamin is on now and up next is oh, I don’t know. They player’s on shuffle. Doesn’t really matter who’s coming up next. I downloaded all of the songs, and that means that they’re awesome. Yea me.

I should clean my house. It’s getting rather messy. Beginning to look like a bachelor lives here.

If I don’t find the time to go do laundry here pretty soon I’m going to have to either A) run around naked. Or B) steam it in the shower then pull out the febreze and let it go for just one more day.

I want to go on vacation. Me, the beach and a sexy cabana boy whose only purpose is to make sure my glass of whatever alcoholic beverage I am drinking is never empty. Mmmmmmmmm…. Sounds pretty damn good to me.

Ok... I guess I’m done for now because the rest of the thoughts aren’t exactly PG-13. Now you can say that you have officially had a 30 second peak into my head. Besides, I’m getting to the point that I am so tired that this isn’t even making any sense to me and I’m having to blink several times because I can’t see straight. What was the point to this horribly written time waster? Oh yeah, that’s right. I’m bored and tired, not the best mix in the world. I think I should just call it quits and go to sleep. Probably the best idea before I scan up and actually read what I wrote this morning. Ok, well off to bed for me. Going to go dream about cabana boy now. Or should I go and get that hamburger? Hummm… decisions, decisions. Too bad they won’t deliver.

Its old... But you've gotta love Ron

2006-08-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today's random internet funny. A must read for all women out there.

2006-08-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now ......the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-Hoo*?? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!

" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment t - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! RIGHT!!!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
IT WORKS!! It works!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Now thats funny . Notttttttttt

Bad News

2006-08-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight was one of those moments that I will remember for the rest of my life. Someone who’s very special to me came over. We’re snuggled up together on the couch, sappy songs in the background. I look up at him and he has a troubled expression on his face. Even though deep down I knew what it was, I just couldn’t stop myself from asking what was wrong. He looked down into my eyes and I broke into tears. He’s gotten the order. Back to Iraq for a year. I knew that this was a possibility, we had a scare earlier this year when there were some papers that had gotten mixed up.

This is why I do not get involved with military guys. I have always refused to in the past. There’s always that what if factor... you let your heart get involved and then they are shipped off.

A whole year. A whole freaking year. He has become such a good friend to me, I don’t know what I’m going to do when he’s gone. And then there is that possibility that he may just not come back. I can not do this. I seriously can not deal with this right now. My stomach is in knots and even as I’m typing I’m having to fight back tears. Right now I just want to throw a fit like a 2 yr old, complete with the foot stomping and yelling out that this is not fair. He’s already been once.

You hear about things that are going on in the news and can even sympathize with it to some extent. But the fact is…. There is still that unreal quality to it, because it’s happening to someone else. This was a slap into reality that I could have gone without.

Shoes and other such nonsense

2006-07-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

I've been fighting with my ex husband over a pair of shoes. What a stupid thing to fight over in my opinion. My son went over there for what was supposed to be his summer month with dad. It lasted two weeks before he was back home. When he came back home, he was wearing his flip flops, he had left his only pair of tennis shoes over at his house. Well it wouldn't be a big deal if he was allowed to wear flip flops to daycare, which he isn't. So, I call my ex up and ask him to bring back his shoes so he can go to daycare. Days later he finally returns my call and says that he can only find one of the shoes, I'm outta luck. Now mind you, these are fairly new shoes that I bought that fit just fine. Still has some growing room in fact. He tells me that even though he lost our son's shoes that I bought at his house, he will not replace them. I tell him that our son has to have these shoes for daycare, and my wonderfully mature ex replies that I'm out of luck and hangs the phone up on me.

Now here it is, almost time for summer vacation to be up and has he gotten my son for visitation even once? No. Has he ever called to see how he is doing? No again. At least not until today. So, I ask him when is he going to get our son for a weekend....dunno. Can't you at least call when you’re not going to get him instead of just never showing up..... Maybe. Are you ever going to pay me back for the shoes.... No.

It really makes me wonder, what in the world did I ever see in this guy? Now granted, we were high school sweethearts and all of that. Tastes change over the years, but still! Am I going to look back 10 years from now and think that I'm delusional for the choices in men I make today? Sigh... and the sad answer to that is yes. I'll probably look back, slap myself in the head and get a good belly laugh over the some of the fools I run around with these days.

Proof that there is such a thing as a Village Idiot

2006-07-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, you want it you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff". .

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific”. .

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". . .

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount...

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?”

Strange things left behind

2006-07-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about moving and the odd ball things people will leave behind. Some things were humorous, and others were down right weird. But she beat all with what she found one day while touring a potential home. As in her words...

I was looking around the house and was checking out the master bedroom's closet. The realtor walked out of the room for a moment and me being my nosy self decided to take a look and see what was poking out over the edge of the shelf. I reach up, and grab something smooth and squishy. Pull it out and what do I find? A huge old mushy cucumber with a rubber over it.

Now all together... Eeeeewwwwww

So here's my little public service announcement for the day people. If your going to move, please oh please make sure all the sex toys get packed up or thrown away. Especially the kind that rot.

Thank you.

Men are idiots

2006-07-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

I believe that covers that topic. Pretty self explanatory if you ask me.

Remember when?

2006-07-19T05:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah. I know I stole this from something that was already online. So sue me, I liked it and decided to share.

Anybody under the age of 15 should not read this. Just because you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the nineties just wont cut it.

You're a 90's kid if:

~You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
~You just cant resist finishing this... "Iiiiiiin west philladelphia born and raised..."
~You remember TGIF on ABC and wouldnt miss it
~"Miss Lucy had a steam boat, the steam boat had a bell ding ding..miss Lucy went to heaven the steamboat went to hell_o operator please give me number 9 and if you disnconnect me i will kick you from behind the fridgerator, there was a piece of glass, miss lucy sat upon it and broke her big fat ass_k me no more questions, please tell me no more lies the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flies, are in the meadow the bees are in the park .......................... miss lucy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K- D-A-R-K D-A-R-K dark dark dark..."
~You remember when Kurt Cobain, 2Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.
~You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"
~You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
~You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
~You remember reading "Goosebumps"
~You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
~You remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
~You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
~You used to lisnen to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time"
~Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.
~Captain Planet.
~You remember when super nintendo's became popular.
~You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny.
~You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders" ~"I've fallen and I can't get up"
~You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
~Two words... Trapper Keeper.
~You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
~"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show
~You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
~Writing M.A.S.H. notes.
~You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
~You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
~You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles
~Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!
~You remember when the new Beanie Babies and talking Elmo were always sold out.
~You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
~You remember a time before the WB.
~SEGA. The grey one with the purple sliders that were always stuck. It's probably still in your basement.
~You know the Macarena by heart.
~"Talk to the hand" ... enough said

When we were younger: Before the MySpace frenzy... Before the Internet & text messaging... Before Sidekicks and iPods... Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX... When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing. When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie. When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans. When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back..... Before we realized all this would eventually disappear

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

When going to the movie was 50 cents during the day and 1 dollar at night!!!

Photoshop or aka Christi's very own crack

2006-07-19T04:27:00.000-07:00

Sweet Jesus, I have found myself a brand new toy. Loooooove it, its my brand new additction. How awesome is it that in real life I am more of a stick figure gal.. But yet get me onto photoshop and I can actually create something (ok I'll admit, maybe a tad abstract) that actually looks like a third grader didn't make it. And the things that you can do with pictures? I'm freaking amazed. Got a great pic all except for that pesky zit showing up in it? Bring on the healing brush and before you can say a'la peanut butter sandwiches it's all gone. Now, what's not to love bout that? If only in real life though.. blur a bit here, clone that little bit there and we're all walking around looking pretty. One can only dream, right?

Where oh where did my sweet child go?

2006-05-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hi... Welcome to my little spot to ramble on about what's going on in my boring life. I'll try to keep things short and simple, but no promises, lol.

My lovely daughter is right now in my face acting like an elephant. I swear that she's going insane, and before too long I'll be right there along beside her. If you see someone being escorted by some nice men in white jackets, just wave... It's me. She's 4 years old, but I think she thinks that she is going on 16. Such an attitude on a little child. Never knew that they did this at such a young age. Not but 10 minutes ago was a display of her um, true colors so to speak. She wants to go outside and play with her new ball... I've got a killer headache and told her that we'd go play this afternoon instead. Hence, out comes the 16 year old way down deep inside of her....

kid-- but I want to go outside right now <insert stamping of foot and stuck out lower lip>
me-- we'll go outside this afternoon
kid-- (Yelling at top of lungs) I wanna go outside now!
me-- if you want to argue with me, we will just stay inside today instead
kid-- (still yelling) I don't like you anymore. I'm gonna tell my nana on you! Your not nice and I wanna new mom! <runs off to room, slams the door as hard as she can and screams> I hate you! (oh such looovely words to hear coming out of a 4 yr olds mouth)

But yet, not even a full minute passes and out she is with a smile on her face wanting to play elephant.... I swear that when she actually does become a teen, one day I'll look over to see her head spinning and fire shooting out of her eyes. It's gonna happen, I know it will. I have a nasty feeling that my mom was right. She's going to pay me back for every single thing that I did to my mom growing up... Plus some. Which is ok if you really think about it. Because someday she will become a mother herself to a darling child who is just like her. And I'm going to sit back... grab a cup of joe, and laugh my ass off.

Somewhere between June Cleaver and Mommy Dearest

Dead Bodies

My favorite picture of all time

Suicide and Clowns

It's 3am. And just what are you up to?

Random youtube favorites

I'm free!!!!!

I Took A Step!!!!!!!

Cheap Drugs

Sicko

Recipes straight from my head.

The Velvet Hearts - History Repeating

The landlord part 2

Insert Title Here

Something big happened today

Lumberjack. A Classic

Evolution of Dance

Deviant Art

I have way too much time on my hands

Gossip from the pc of the terminally unemployed

The Landlord

Ever wondered what you should do with those pesky unwanted wedding rings we all have laying around the house?

Hellooooo unemployment

3 yr old vs. Monster

Happy Hour

I am now officially...

And today makes

I believe I just might deserve a huge pat on the back

I’m counting down the days

This is so much worse than pet dressing

Ok. I might be going to hell for this

I *Heart* Photoshop

Wow. People are, ummm... yeah.

Did you know...

Happy Birthday Kiddo!

I love this video

Single. Again. Woo freaking hoo.

I was bored and couldn't sleep. Enjoy

Pictures

I miss the old days already

Made me laugh so hard I actually cried

And here's another time waster for you...

What I wouldn’t have given to be there

Boredom, blogger and lack of sleep, uh oh...

Its old... But you've gotta love Ron

Today's random internet funny. A must read for all women out there.

Bad News

Shoes and other such nonsense

Proof that there is such a thing as a Village Idiot

Strange things left behind

Men are idiots

Remember when?

Photoshop or aka Christi's very own crack

Where oh where did my sweet child go?

I Heart Photoshop