Dead Bodies

Whose Line ~ Dead Bodies | Funny Jokes at JibJab

My favorite picture of all time

Suicide and Clowns

Ironically enough, this news is right around the one year anniversary of the day that I was raped. I found out last night that the guy, who was responsible, shot himself a couple of days ago.

Am I a sick cold person for actually being happy to hear this news?

I don’t know.

Its cliché, but I actually felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders when I was told about his death. It was such a relief, and yet I didn’t even know that I still had issues with the incident to tell you the truth. I thought I had moved past things. Just goes to show you how things can lurk in the back of your mind, causing problems and you don’t even realize it.

Ok, time for pure honesty now. What he did was bad. The way I handled it... eh, I should have involved the cops. But I didn’t. Personal choice of mine, which I struggled with at the time. But if I had, would this guy still be alive? Would that actually be a good thing? What if he had gone to jail, would he have been able to clean up and lead a happy productive life? Good job, smiling wife, picket fence, the whole ‘American dream’. Or, was it a better thing for him to kill himself? Was he really deep down a ticking time bomb? Did his death save X number of women from having to deal with this from him?

I am personally relieved that they guy is gone. But I do have 2nd thoughts behind my decision to not report him. I hate what ifs.

The way he was at the time that this happened, he was a drugged up loser who was taking up free space. He was wasting air. Not the biggest loss to ever have happened. Cold, but true. Yet when I think of that… I picture him putting a bullet in his mouth and then an image of his mom appears. I don’t know her; I honestly didn’t really know him. For all I know, she’s long gone and everyone around him had given up and left him to lead his own life, however fucked up he may have chosen it to be.

So, how messed up is it of me to be relieved that I will never ever have to run into him? But at the same time I picture his funeral, with his mother crying over his open grave. Who knows, maybe if I had reported him to the cops this could have been prevented. What happened that night could have had the potential to be the turning point in his life. Saving others from grief. Or maybe it was just another night in this guy’s life, and I happened to be the one at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Wow. Look at that. What was I had intended to be a 3 or 4 lines about how he’s dead now, lets celebrate has turned into a one sided philosophical discussion. I honestly had not even thought of that perspective of things until I started to write things out. Frankly I was just happy that the motherfucker was dead. When I heard the news, it actually made my day. Now, I feel sick inside for feeling that way. I’m a mom too.

Whew… time to lighten things up now.

So, last time I was up in Dallas, I had an interesting conversation. At the bar. With a drunk, chain smoking clown who specialized in children’s parties. In full makeup and with his balloon animal gear still slung over his shoulder.

It was such a Kodak moment.

We had a very, I will say… enlightening conversation. Apparently drunken clowns are full of interesting things to say. Who would have known? For instance, did you know that this particular clown holds a deep grudge against his mother for deciding to cut off his foreskin? How dare she? It was his foreskin, damn it. Oh, and lets not forget about the curiosity he has about tails. On people. What would it feel like to have one, and what exact percentages of people are born with a tail? We have tailbones, right? Sounds plausible. And lets not forget the ever so important would it wiggle when we are happy discussion. No, can’t forget that one.

I love Dallas.

It's 3am. And just what are you up to?

I can't sleep. No, wait... scratch that. I'm too wide awake to even begin to think about bed yet. Haven't even attempted it. I'll get around to laying down eventually. Sleep is overrated anyways.

That's why God invented the coffee bean.

So, it appears that it has been a while since I've given an update. And just what else is there better to do at 3am I ask? Well, actually I can think of a few things, but considering my single status I'll be a web geek instead.

Single. The idea is still novel to me. I like it. I think I like it a lot. (insert dorky 3am web geek dance here)

Well, I think I have positive news about the knee. Maybe, hopefully, I'm crossing my fingers! Previously, my Dr's could not make up their minds on the damn thing. I'd get told one visit to push things and see what I could do, and then they would turn around and yell at me for doing anything with it the very next visit. "Put some weight on it, oh my... whatever you do don't put weight on it! Try bending it some more, just what do you think your doing trying to bend it? Your going to make the damage worse." Aggghhhhhhh! I am getting to the point where I think that it is a requirement to be an indecisive fool to graduate from med school. I am losing all hope in the medical field, which is pretty sad considering where I would like to go in life.

So, the latest and greatest on that joint is actually looking up for once. According to the MRI, everything has finally healed up except that I still have a bone bruise and a 50% tear in my medial retinaculum. Which doesn't exactly feel the best in the world, but I am finally cleared to start trying to get off of the crutches. I go back in 4 weeks and as long as I don't dislocate it and have decent progress I should be in the clear. If not, then they want to schedule the surgery.

So it will get better. It has to. I have had such bad luck with this stupid leg that something has to go in my favor for once. Various ligaments, cartilage, and tendons torn. Fractured patella, blood clots, medication related mini strokes. Re injury every few weeks just because I move wrong. ENOUGH!!! I've had it! I am putting down my good foot and saying no more. It is time for it to heal.

Grrrrr.

Random youtube favorites

I'm bored.

Bored I tell ya.

b-o-r-e-d

buuuhoooorrrrreeedddd

I'm free!!!!!

Today..... is a good day!

I Took A Step!!!!!!!

Yes sirree... you heard me right, a real live full weight step! Still had the crutches in place, but I didn't use them for support. I was so proud that if I had been wearing shoes I'd want to bronze them. I have not been able to take a real step since April, so hell yeah... I'm just a smidgen excited.

My knee is getting better... my knee is getting better... my knee is getting better... oh happy chair dance time!

Now if i can keep from tearing up everything again, I should be doing good hopefully soon. Oh, to walk without crutches.... sheer bliss. And if i were to gain back the range of motion and be able to bend it again... heaven.

I'm getting closer!

Woo Hoo :)